Last updated: 07 February 2008

If you are not ready to leave your relationship, it is still important to put a safety plan in place in case of a potentially violent incident.  Things to consider are:

• Be ready to dial 999 if you or your children are in danger

• If the children are aware of the situation and old enough it may even be possible to discuss with them when they should call the Police, for example have a code word.  Emergency numbers may be stored into their mobile phones. 

• Pack a survival kit.  Ideally this should include, money, change of clothes, extra house/car keys, birth certificates, marriage certificates, passports, any legal documents (especially showing jointly owned property and details in relation to immigration status), credit card and bank details, any documents in relation to the children, medication.  If it is not possible to take the originals then take a photocopy.  Keep them in a safe place, i.e. with a friend, relative, at work or hidden.

• Choose a place to go – talk to a close friend or relative about the abuse and talk to them about staying with them in an emergency

• Plan possible escape routes.  You may need to practise your escape – have window and door keys readily available

• If an argument occurs try to move to a space that is low risk.  Avoid arguments in the bathroom, garage and kitchen, and rooms without an outside exit should also be avoided

• Talk to a solicitor or domestic abuse agencies (a directory of services is available on this website) that may be able to help

• Remember help line numbers, in particular the 24 hour ones

• If possible make careful notes about what is happening including times, dates, any professionals seen and any injuries received.

Remember, the most dangerous times for an escalation in violence is when a victim leaves their partner, and the first two years after separation. 

• If you do leave then there are safety measures that need to be put in place:

• If your new premises are not secure, e.g. locks, smoke detectors, speak to the Community Reduction Advisor at the local police station on 0845 8505 505

• Think and plan escape routes

• Use 141 when making a phone call or telephone 150 to discuss with BT customer services so the number cannot be traced.  Or have a mobile phone that is only used for the ex-partner, but be aware that the location of where a mobile is being used can be traced

• Discuss the situation with your children’s schools

• Do not agree to let your ex-partner come to your home alone.  Only meet in public places

• If possible, access visits should be made through a third party, or pick them up and drop them off at a different place, for example school or friend’s house

• Keep a diary of events for your solicitor or if any criminal behaviour takes place inform the Police

• Seek assistance from a support agency during this time, a directory of services can be found on this website